Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
