Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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