What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
