SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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