i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize