I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
