You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
