drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
