Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
