out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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