i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
