true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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