The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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