Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
