if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
