bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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