I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
