6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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