This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
