I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
