i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
