Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
