I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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