I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When did angry sex become our thing?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
