just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
