Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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