Screwed.edu
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
