Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
