Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
