I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
