I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
