Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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