Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
