dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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