I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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