guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
