I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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