OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
