cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
