I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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