I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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