i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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