hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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