I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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