i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
