It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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