did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
