My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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