I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
