I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
