actually, I'm a sock model
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
